Becoming a mom is all about surrender. Until I became a mom I had no idea what it truly meant to surrender yourself daily. Almost 7 years ago I became a mom and not a second goes by that I don’t delight in being a mommy to my 3 little people. They challenge me and bless me, frustrate me, excite me and push me to Jesus every single day. 7 years ago, I labored and birthed an incredibly cute little man. Every part of getting him here was amazing. I would do it over and over again, it was magical.
Holding him in my arms and feeling that overwhelming happiness and peace was one of the greatest moments of my life. The days following were pretty crazy. We were nestled at home trying to figure out nursing and the crazy sleep deprivation that no one can prepare you for. Even in those tough first days, I was incredibly happy- super tired, but happy.
Despite the happiness and delight in my little man, strange anxiety began to creep in. I became worried about every little thing; I was fearful and apprehensive about my health. I wasn’t afraid of my ability to care for my baby, just terrified that something would happen to me or him that I couldn’t control. I was grasping for some semblance of control and peace. I felt like my skin was crawling and I had no idea what was going on. I just knew that something was wrong and I wasn’t myself.
I remember the day I realized I needed help and I’m so incredibly thankful for how God’s spirit continued to whisper truth to me amidst the fog. Postpartum Depression and Anxiety was the diagnosis, and I remember feeling so relieved and thankful to know what was going on, to understand what we were dealing with. In those days of intense struggle and fear, I felt God’s presence and peace in incredible ways. My need for a Savior was more real than I’d ever known. The first year of being a mom was hard in all the normal ways and hard in ways you can’t ever imagine, but then it was also simultaneously perfect and wonderful.
I needed to see God in a big way and He showed up. He proved faithful day in and day out, all the sleepless nights, the uncertainties, the fears. He never left me even when I felt most abandoned. He was there, holding me and carrying me through some really dark days. I just needed to surrender, but I was holding so tightly to pride and my idea of what motherhood would and should be. I clung to my own strength and ability, to my experience and all the preparation I had done to become a mom. It was all about me.
He had to become my world; I had to surrender to Jesus every second of every day, because on my own, in the middle of the pain and fight, He was it. He was all I could cling to, all I could hope in and He remained. I’m so thankful…thankful for that incredibly hard year and how it shaped and molded me to be a person that surrenders. I surrender all…in the last 7 years I have learned that I can’t be a mom to 3 amazing, crazy, happy kids on my own, I can’t be a wife to my incredible husband on my own, I can’t be me, the me God created me to be on my own. I surrender, all to Jesus. He is faithful. He is good. He shows up. He loves you and me, and simply wants us to trust Him…to surrender.
BETH PLYLER is a co-owner of Given, a cause-conscious online boutique, with her sisters. She and her husband Wes have been married for 11 years, and they have 3 children, Counts, Reese, and Elsie and Nellie, their Weimaraner. Beth is also the Director of Mother’s Morning Out at First Pres. in Greenville, South Carolina. Connect with her at the Given website or Instagram, or at her personal Instagram account.