I drive an [old] mini van. I bought my kids crocs. With characters on them.
None of those things seem like too big of a deal, but they totally scream mom. And scream exact things I have said that I would never do.
I said I would never drive a mini van. Or buy those ugly shoes. Or buy my kids things with characters on them.
Because I had a dream of what my life would look like at where I am at now. It included everything cool including the pretty white picket fence, killer car, and a bank account overflowing.
But the Lord has done a number with me. He has been teaching me what it means to surrender. To surrender my idealism. Because He has so much more for me.
I am still dreaming big. But I am so thankful the Lord has released me from the bondage of building a personal empire. A perfect life. Or so, I thought would be the perfect life.
You see, I was doing everything right according to the books. I went to college. Got married. Got a job. Bought a home. Had kids. Even went through the hardship of losing my mom to cancer and still maintained the morning and evening prayers before breakfast and bed. Surely, I was doing life right. I was being the good Christian.
Then life throws the biggest curve ball. Or in other words, The Lord was all- hold up, you are not in control and your direction in life isn’t going to fulfill you.
Our two year old gets diagnosed with cancer. And we had a newly turned one year old and a four year old to navigate this new path with.
In a flash, we went from thinking our daughter had a cough to a giant mass sitting near her lungs. And surgery was taking place four days later to remove said mass.
Never in my life I have felt the power of God’s presence and His completely undeniable peace than in those weeks of uncertainty. Almost three years later from that season of life, and I am still in awe of how He presented Himself to me.
Never in my life had I realized that His power was made perfect in my weakness and His grace was truly sufficient.
It was the hardest, most beautiful turning point in my life. Because it was the beginning stages of the Lord breaking my idealism apart in so many aspects of my life. Building the white picket fence was no longer a dream. My heart shifted. And my relationship with Jesus didn’t feel like a checklist anymore, the prayer in the morning and devotions daily started to look different for me. For so many years I created an idealistic Christian that I was striving to be. And if I didn’t do it all right, I shamed myself. But my curve ball by Jesus gave me the freedom to grow my relationship with Him not because I’m a Christian, but because He loves me dearly.
You guys, He loves me dearly. And you. And there is freedom in that.
I sit here in my childhood home. Living here. Never in a million years did I see myself back in this place. But I also didn’t believe I could travel to Uganda, or start a photography business, or move to Florida and back for a year with my family. Or gasp, get a tattoo.
But that’s the beauty of releasing idealism and fear and embracing freedom. He gives us so much more than we could ever dream up ourselves. And sometimes it looks really different than what we thought.
I would be lying if I said I have totally surrendered my strive for perfectionism. That idealism doesn’t try to grab a hold of my heart and take the lead again. Ladies, it is an every day battle. It is a constant surrender. It’s breathing in His grace, His ways, and saying to myself it’s okay for my life to be where it’s at. In the mess. The imperfection.
Of course, I would not complain if the Lord happened to make my life exactly like Joanna Gaines. [Fine. I need to release that idealism too. Maybe.]
ABRA CLAMPITT is a dreamer. A lover of grace upon grace and follower of her true King. A mama to three wilds and married to a handy-man that is constantly having a honey-do-list to build all the farmhouse furniture. After living in fear and striving for perfection, God brought her to standstill point in her life and humbled her to let go of what should be and say yes to what He has in store. She is a former teacher turned photography business owner because people and storytelling are her passions. If she was offered to board a plane to travel the world or to restore and flip homes, she would do so in quick minute as long as her family is by her side. Connect with her on Instagram.